“Why do young people disconnect from the spiritual home of their childhood?” As one of those disconnected young people who grew up in an evangelical church, I’ve spent a lot of time in my role as clerk of religious education, pondering how children might experience more connectedness in our Meeting.
The words “intergenerational worship” and “connection” have continued to bounce around in my mind ever since attending Faith & Play training. I’ve wondered about how we might create kid-only Friendly 8s. I’ve dreamed of sharing the Faith & Play story “Gifts” with the whole of Meeting, identifying as the person who wasn’t sure what gifts they have to offer. Maybe we could have adults from Friendly 8 groups share about their groups during a First Day session. How can we connect kids and adults who might not otherwise interact? Still getting used to my role as a religious education committee clerk, I kept turning these ideas over, not quite ready to shift into action. During this time, someone said to me, “Big ideas have a way of bubbling up.” . . . and did it ever!
Branches & Bubbles
Maggie Garrett, age 11, first approached a member of the Nominating Committee with her idea of a kids committee. They were enthusiastic in their support of her idea. We began to explore how we could keep this group child-led and give them weight within the life of Meeting. With the help of our Meeting Clerk, a working group under the care of the Religious Education committee emerged as the best fit. Nominating offered Margaret and me the Working Group Guidelines to light our way forward.
Maggie and her sister, Zoe, have attended RFM since they were very young. Their mother shared how her children asked to return to meetings week after week. Zoe has shared how the Meeting is a place for her to recharge each week. They feel accepted just as they are in a community that has become theirs. As our children adopt the space as their own, they also develop a natural investment in the life of the Meeting. When that happens, wonderful things begin to “bubble up.”
Maggie and I soon met to discuss her vision for the group. She said, “My intention is to encourage kids to be more involved in our Meeting community. By helping out when possible, we can learn responsibility.” She excitedly told me about the motto she wanted to include. “Our Motto is Love, Give, Grow. Our motto is coming from the belief that as we love, we give, and then we grow.” We talked about what she wanted the purpose, task, and goals to be of the new group. The next step would be to present her idea and the plan to the RE committee for approval. If we got their approval, we might have to adjust the proposal document based on their feedback. It might take time before we would be ready to present it to the Meeting. Maggie understood that Quaker process takes time.
When the RE committee reviewed her plan, Maggie’s words were altered very little. The committee focused on developing the adult sponsor responsibilities within the group. Respecting Maggie’s vision and the autonomy of the group was vital to establishing and developing connections of respect between children and adults.
Once we had the approval of the RE committee, I asked my friend and RE volunteer Julie Allison if she would be interested in being a sponsor. I offered to be the second sponsor since I am connected to both the RE committee and the new working group. The adults serve as facilitators, not clerks. A working group allowed the RE committee to choose Maggie as the clerk of the working group. It allowed Maggie and the working group to choose who would join. It formed a framework for guided autonomy.
Fertilizer & Friendship
Maggie set to work asking children who might be interested in joining the WWG. Six children signed up and Maggie called each of them. She invited them to participate in the RFM Work Day on May 3rd and to attend a preliminary meeting on May 4th. They were eager to start before the group was even formed!
In that first unofficial meeting, the children were able to give their input on the working group proposal. The children shared how they might be interested in serving their community. They offered to serve at potluck, Meeting for Weeding, and on art projects. They also wanted a new name because “Young Friends Working Group” was “a mouthful, and even YFWG is too awkward.” They had some discussion about this name, considering various animals, plants, and trees. The group settled on the Willow Working Group, or WWG.
Before presenting the “Proposed Willow Working Group” to Meeting for Worship with Attention to Business, Maggie was asked to join the Clerk’s Meeting the week before. Unfortunately, she was unable to attend due to a school event (a natural obstacle to children’s participation during the weekdays), but wrote her presentation down for me to read to the other clerks. She even followed her mom’s advice to find a substitute, but then her substitute also had an event! As I read what Maggie wrote, including an apology for not being able to make the clerk’s meeting that evening, I watched as smiles spread across every face.
Buddings & Business
During the Business Meeting, the schedule was adjusted so that Maggie and the other children could be present for the proposal to the Meeting. I brought a small, potted willow tree from home to display in front of the clerk’s table. Representing the RE committee, I introduced the proposal, then Julie, and then Maggie. Maggie explained the Willow Working Group proposal details to our Meeting.
The purpose of the Willow Working Group (WWG) is for children ages 9-17 to be actively engaged in the life of the Meeting. This is a child-led group assisted by adult sponsors. The task of the Willow working group is to provide additional human resources at RFM committee events and throughout the life of the Meeting.
The goal(s) of the (young friends) working group is/are as follows:
- Meet monthly to discuss how to help and what we can do.
- Connect with RFM committees to offer age appropriate services.
- Learn about working groups in Quaker Meeting.
- Connect intergenerationally within our Meeting.
- Provide children’s input to the Meeting when appropriate.
Maggie concluded with, “Thank you for supporting this idea.”
Again, I watched the smiles spread. I heard joy in the question, “Do we approve this request?” and witnessed the flutter of hands.
Maggie and the children left the room to continue worship in their Faith & Play session as the business continued. I couldn’t tell you a single thing about the rest of that meeting. During personal announcements, I tearily thanked everyone for what they did for the kids that day. I reminded the adults that if they ask me “Can the Willow Working Group do xyz?” My answer will be, “I don’t know, but I’ll present the idea to them and see what they decide.” I said, “Think ‘guided autonomy’.”
Roots & Respect
The willow tree was planted at The Clearing in Amelia. Several kids who attended RFM’s Spring Retreat ventured together with a shovel and the tree to find the right spot for their mascot. Without prompting as they marched past the pavilion full of adults, the children loudly chanted, “Tree! Tree! Tree!” inviting anyone to join their march. Several adults joined in to witness the event. The children dug the hole and planted the tree.
The Willow Working Group’s contributions to our Meeting since Spring have included:
- Assisting with potluck – taking up plates, washing dishes, cleaning up tables and chairs. The most recent request was to assist people getting their drinks – both to ease the flow of traffic in the room and to help those already holding a plate of food while navigating chairs and people.
- Helping with Meeting for Weeding – An open invitation from Building & Grounds to help clean up the landscape around the building during the summer months.
- The Financial Stewardship Committee reached out to the WWG for their input on a decision that needed input from the entire Meeting. What should the meeting use this money for? The WWG gave them their wish list.
- The playground needs to be replaced and the Building & Grounds Committee invited the WWG to give extensive input and approval of the new playground design.
- The Clerk invited WWG to help with set up and break down during business meetings. The helper of the month then enjoys joining the greeters before Meeting.
- A member of the WWG drew a variety of logo options reflecting the willow tree imagery. The group approved the design they most liked and another member digitized it.
- Zoe is working to wood burn the logo to create a sign for the tree planted at the clearing.
- Teens are invited to become Zoom hosts.
- The RE Committee has requested their help with a special origami art project to share with everyone in the Meeting in December.
- The WWG proposed a Children’s library. They’ve given their input and in October, presented their proposal for a Children’s Library working group under the care of RE, composed of RE adult sponsors and children from the WWG, to organize and maintain resources for children and teachers at RFM.
There’s new talk of forming a Friendly 8s group. Whatever they imagine to take on, we are there to guide them. As a working group, they are learning about taking minutes, planning their agenda, and how they might use their energy and gifts to support their community. They are learning what’s manageable with the human resources they have available. None of this would have happened without one child feeling safe and invested in her spiritual community enough to step forward and take a chance on sharing her idea.
Seasons & Service
“Quakers move at the speed of trust.,” quoted a trusted Friend. They reminded me that the testing season is what gives the result substance. Similarly, growing into the safety of a community is a natural process that takes time. Like forming a new friendship, it cannot be rushed. The result is trust and confidence, both in ourselves and one another.
As I’ve watched the WWG form, I’m reminded of my own journey these last few years. I tentatively attended at first, welcomed, but not pushed. I slowly opened up and eventually began bringing my own children. I asked for help and received help. I found ways I could contribute. I began to learn names and listened to Quakers’ stories. I began seeing the gifts each person brings to our community. As an adult, I was given the gift of acceptance and space to process the community around me, just as I imagine Quaker children must experience in Meetings.
I am witnessing our children feel safe and invested enough in their spiritual community to contribute their ideas and serve. Watching them realize their input matters to other committees has been humbling and healing. It is a gift these children have unknowingly given to me. May we endeavor to serve our children in ways that deepen their sense of community into future seasons.
Elizabeth Price, Richmond (VA) Friends Meeting